well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
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