so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
