I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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