my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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