Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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