we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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