i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
