My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
