Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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