My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
