I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
