where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
