im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize