Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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