Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
