worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just invented taco cereal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
