DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
