Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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