the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
