Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
