So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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