you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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