I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
