i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
