Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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