worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize