i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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