She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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