I'm really into asian looking animals
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
