Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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