Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
