I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
