there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
