So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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