is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
