You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
