i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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