im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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