i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
