I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
