By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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