belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
