Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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