the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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