I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
