White coat. Heels.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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