Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize