Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
