afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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