Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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