trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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