So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
