Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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