Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
