I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
