Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
