I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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