You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
