handjob tips. give me some.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
