Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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