A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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