I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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