Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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