Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
