I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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