Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize