A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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