I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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