when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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