Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
