Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize