thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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