Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
