And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
