I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He better not be in your backpack
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
